New Self

     I never thought I would ever call myself a runner, but ever since I've started running, I feel so amazing! It's such a breath of fresh air to go outside for half an hour and jog! Sure it hurts, but it is so rewarding!
                  Today I can call myself a
                            RUNNER!

Just Keep Going!

     My feet pounded on the ground. My heart felt like it was exploding. My lungs taking in cold air, but not enough. Why did I decided to do this? What were we thinking? Walking felt good, but running felt like death. The minutes tick by so slowly. I try to focus on the music, hoping to distract myself. Three minutes of running really shouldn't be that long. But it feels like an eternity. My legs are burning! I can't do this anymore! Just one more minute! One more minute! One more minute!
     I look down at my watch. STOP! Yes, I can walk now! Five minutes of pure bliss. I look around make sure no one is following me as I walk, legs aching. I lift my arms up, try to breathe deep, and attempt to relieve the ache in my side.
     I gain confidence as my legs start to loosen and feel less achy, two more minutes... Slow jog. Don't run too fast. Keep it nice and easy and you'll get through it. One more minute... GO!

Preparation for LIFE!

     Why do I nanny? I make hardly anything, it's exhausting, the hours kinda suck... So what keeps me coming everyday? Surely it's not the children who cry and scream and fight naps and lunch and being told no all the time. Do I stay only because it's next door? Do I stay because it works perfect around my school schedule? Partly... All of those things contribute. But when I just want to cry all day because the kids drive me crazy, why do I stay?
     Is this job a  foreshadowing of how I'll parent? Always frustrated with my kids telling them to go play themselves because mommy is too tired to care for them? Or will things change when I have kids? Will they be the joy of my life? Will I want to cater to their every need and will I give in to their cute faces?
     Currently, with the way I nanny I would be an aweful mother. I get irritated and frustrated. I try hard to not to yell, but I want to!
     Am I horrible at nannying because I make the kids take naps and eat lunch? I tell them no, and I am firm... When I get overwhelmed I cry! EXHAUSTION! This job, takes a lot out of you!
     So again, why do I stay here? I could make a lot more money somewhere else.
     But what would I miss? The laughter, the crying and making it better, the naps, the sleeping child, the games, the fun, the jokes, the silly words.. The moments when they figure something out for the first time! When it clicks! The lightbulb turns on!
     So I stay, not because of the money- cause lets be honest there really isn't much- or the hours, although their great for me, but because I get to teach these children life lessons. I get to see their eyes light up, when they figure something out or talk about what they love! I get to be there for them as a friend. But most importantly I'm preparing myself for the most difficult, trying, and wonderfully amazing jobs anyone could ask for... MOM.

Do it for YOU!!

     I'll admit it, I'm an emotional eater. If I get stressed out I turn to food. Specifically, milk chocolate and salt and vinigar chips. I mindlessly eat until, next thing you know, the whole thing is gone! I don't even realize what I am doing until my hand hits the crumbs at the bottom of the bag.
     "I blew it," I think to myself. "I'm never going to lose those last few pounds." Crunch. I just want to give up on this whole diet thing. Crunch. I mean what's the point if I'm always hungry? Crunch. Am I really hungry all the time? Does my mind play tricks on me and make me thing I'm hungry when I'm actually not? To be honest I don't even feel hungry. CRUNCH. So then why am I still eating?
     I ought to go out and take a walk... Burn off all the calories I just ate. But then I would need to go all the way downstairs, put my running pants on, and my running shoes on and that's just too much work... Boy no wonder I can't lose any weight, I'M NOT MOTIVATED! I am not trying to run and eat better for me, I'm running for Cat. And eating better was not my choice, it was a family decision.
     "But what about your Garmin Vivofit watch? You bought that to feel better right? And you wanted to eat better so you got an app to help you. Running was not your idea, but so far it's been really nice to get out and walk/run for 30 minutes. To get a away from it all!" The thoughts shout in my mind.
      It's true I have been enjoying the walking/running. It's calming. And yes, I did get an app to help me eat better, I wasn't just being forced into it. And so what if my running things are downstairs, more walking for me right! "Pick yourself up and MOVE!  So what if you've had a hard day and you mindlessly ate a whole bag of treats. You'll do better tomorrow!"
     It's not about calling it quits after one mistake, it's about realizing I've made that mistake, picking myself up and trying again! Try a little harder to be a little better! That's my motivation. I don't have to do this all in one day! Progress takes times. It takes failures, and work. "So don't be afraid to fail, because you'll be one step closer to success! Don't beat yourself up for eating sweets, just don't eat as many next time."
     "Now get up, and go outside! Do it for Cat, for mom, and dad. But most especially, do it for YOU!!!"